Hello, I am Michelle, and this is my story.
I had a step monster, who abused me from age 4 to 14. Life was very dark and hurtful for many years. Regardless of the broken ribs and wounding of soul, my heart for living championed. I hope to support the reality that everyone matters, and no abuse is acceptable.
I was married once, and the best thing was having 8 children. One resides in heaven, seven are beautiful heartbeats walking the earth. My seventh child died, at 16 weeks gestation. Because of her early exit, I started an organisation called Miscarriage Matters to Mothers. Her transition allows me the grace to support others, whose children pass on. Sarah Faith was due to be born, August 23, 2004. She made her entrance far too soon in March, and my heart was shattered. Though I’d rather have her here in my arms, I am comforted that her story brings awareness and support to others.
I was born with a genetic anomaly, which I passed on to my children. Though we are all very empathic, some also endure illnesses to varying degrees. Having had muscle pain and easily dislocating joints most of my life, I am challenged with Hypermobility Syndrome, Acquired Gitelman’s Symdrome, and they are now testing for Ehlers Danlos (a bunch of irrelevant syndromes, that while challenging, do not dictate my life’s purpose). Every day I wake up, I am in some degree of muscle and joint pain. I spend the first minutes stretching, while seeing if anything has dislocated in my sleep. Hypermobilty Syndrome can cause the suffer’s ligaments to be so lax, that sleeping in the same position can cause subluxations and full dislocations. There are days that getting dress requires help from my family. I can not drive at the moment, because of my pain medication. The scariest moments are during lightening storms. For whatever reason, my heart rhythm will get off, making me faint, as well as sending severe shocking pain through my limbs. The hardest part is wanting to participate in spontaneous activities, but my limbs have no energy. As a mother, I often have to be gracious in my self-esteem, because there are many physically activities like running, swimming, or even a long walk that could land me in bed for weeks.
We must place love above all else, for there within lies all peace and joy. I don’t believe in quitting, and I am reminded daily of how short life is. I write self-publishing books, which I find to be cathartic, my mind is full of stories. I compose music, and paint. I use this gift to do prophetic painting, to help others. When being a single mom and chronic pain warrior makes my soul tremble, I stand by the following: “You cannot control what is happening, but you can control your attitude.”
What I would say to others who are affected by a chronic illness is that your illness does not define your soul. We are more than the sum of DNA and diagnosis. We are not bodies with a soul; we are souls adapting to bodies. No answer is ever found in blaming yourself. My faith teaches me that no man is an island entirely to himself. What affects one, affects many. If we can relate, reach out and help restore, then we breathe new energies of life within the exchange. When we can put ourselves in the mindset of another, we benefit by growth. Everything has a frequency. If I believe a divine God spoke the world into existence; and if I believe we are formed in his image, then my voice, your voice together can create beautiful experiences in our own spheres of influence. This exchange is life.
Thanks for reading my story.
Miscarriage Matters to Mothers: https://www.facebook.com/MiscarriageMatterstoMothers/?fref=ts