Hi, my name is Jose, and this is my story. I was born with a birth defect called Spina Bifida (a condition where the spine does not develop properly, leaving a gap in the spine). This left me completely paralyzed from the waist down. Over the years, I have struggled through around 20 + surgeries, most of these were just to correct some deformities, like straightening my crooked spine. The biggest, and most life changing event for me was during my 20s, I had both legs amputated due to health complications; the pressure wounds I had developed from a lack of blood flow to my lifeless, paralyzed extremities. I was traumatised after this event. I have blocked a lot of it out of my head because it still haunts me.
This is me, purging out my self hate onto this paper, letting go of it once and for all. Treading the line between being someone with special needs, and a person who has survived in spite of it, lived well, yet is troubled by its effects. Although I speak for myself, this piece is for anyone who knows or can relate to me. Having this disabled body and a mind that is sane enough to absorb the entire experience is tough. There have been moments of joy at achieving tasks I thought impossible, and painful moment of losing faith. In my life, the world has been both cruel and kind to me at some point. I am a voice for others who have been buried so far beneath their circumstances and where hope has faded away. Many actually lose their very own purpose, vision, spirit and even identity.
I must fight daily to overcome negative thoughts and emotions. There is an inner turmoil that can burn through my pride with every setback, especially after having gone so close to a personal breakthrough or achievement, only to be shattered by disappointments, shame or hopelessness. There are days where I ask ‘what is the point of even trying or living?’; a struggle I know all too well having gone through it my entire thirty one years of life. But, it is within these harsher moments that our true potential can flourish. The difficult times in my life have only made me stronger. To be in this vulnerable physical state always puts things into perspective. I consider myself lucky to be alive. My journey might be prolonged, I might feel like I’m slipping behind everyone else, but I must trust the timing of my own growth. Nothing can discourage me from perusing my ultimate life long dreams.
By understanding that every hurdle is simply a part of the proverbial race, I can be a service to those who help me, and what better reason than to give back the best I can for the sake of people who have rooted and supported me, or championed my success. I can never give up. To those who maybe suffering similarly, keep challenging yourself, it’s the only way you grow. Let us release all the fear, guilt or regret that poisons us and breath in new life; a renewed sense of purpose, courage and determination with an improved mindset! One that has seen the bottom pit of utter suffering, failure and loss of expectation. Yet is only made fearless by daring to escape the abysmal sewage of negativity!
I am trying to be as healthy as possible, strong and optimistic. I still endure a lot of health issues, and my kidneys are very weak. Knowing there are others who are in far worse circumstances makes me appreciate my life. You will never hear me complain, I am alive, I am able to build strength and I am able talk to others who experience similar situations. Believe in yourself, there is knowledge in simply trying. No matter how far behind you may feel in this life, determination is key.
Thanks for reading my story,
To follow Jose’s journey on Instagram, please follow the link:https://www.instagram.com/paydaygoods/?hl=en
To watch Jose’s ‘What’s your excuse motivational’ Video, please follow the link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=AuqGbou1Euk